Fetishism is chronically misunderstood and often vilified. However consensual and respectful exploration of sexuality can be a joyful & fulfilling part of life. Dismissing fetishes as ‘perversions’ or ‘problems’ undermines their incredible ability to empower. For example when a kink has developed as a reaction to negative emotions, the result is a victorious transformation of that negativity into a desirable state of exhilaration.
As sexologist Dr. Michael Aaron explains, the act of sexualizing a painful memory is a “counterphobic reaction to the pain that actually courts more of it as a means of building mastery over it.” The human brain works in mysterious and beautiful ways, doesn’t it?
Whether or not it is based on past experiences, abandonment fantasies play upon people’s doubts and fears. There is a delicious arc of emotion felt by the abandoned during this type of ‘fear play’: from anxiety to despair, to longing. Hope and anticipation creeps in, and eventual unbounded joy and relief when the Dom returns, peppered with anxiety. Dizzy yet? It’s truly a roller coaster of a ride, and not for the faint of heart.
Season 6 of the series Mad Men pushed the abandonment fetish to the fringes of mainstream recognition, although it remains largely misunderstood. Balls deep in an affair with his married neighbor Sylvia, the show’s protagonist Don Draper keeps his wedded mistress in a hotel room for a few days. He forbids her from leaving, getting dressed, answering the phone, and even removes the book she’s been reading from the room. He takes complete control of her life, and does not give her any indication of when or if he will return. She in turn surrenders to his control. Touted as emotional abuse by critics, many others felt that they had witnessed masterful & consensual fear play. Those who got it got off.
Bromo.com experimented with this theme in their 4 part series “Abandoned”. Jaxton Wheeler was a natural choice, being a sexy & powerful top, in possession of an assortment of adoring bottoms scattered across town in various locked rooms with different instructions.
Cody is naked, handcuffed to a bedside table patiently waiting. Max is rigged in a ball-sling harness, his puppy dog eyes search Jaxton’s face for the slightest moment of recognition. Pierce has been instructed to play with the contents of a mysterious package left at the door. All of them are gasping for a moment in the sun with their Dom. And although Jaxton is a mean daddy, he eventually rewards them all with a group fuck in the finale.
Ultimately it is our open minds that give us mastery over pleasure and pain. And for those of us unwilling or unable to act out a kink ourselves, we can travel the arc of emotion with Bromo.com, and our kleenex box. Have fun and be safe everyone!