Thinking of getting adventurous with your sex life? Craving a new atmosphere besides the sultry glow of Netflix on your screen? We hear you… not only is public sex exciting, it also falls under the category of free fun. Be warned however there is a certain amount of danger, mostly in the form of potential fines or embarrassment, but there are a few things you can do to mitigate these risks.
I present to you the SSSEX guidelines. SSSEX stands for Strategy, Speed, Silence and Excuses. They provide a buffer between the excitement of public sex and chance of being discovered. Read on for your how-to guide for your first/next public sexcapade!
There is equal parts spontaneity and strategy involved in the public fuck. Too much planning might squash the excitement of the moment. Too much spontaneity might lead to a fine slapped on your bare ass for public indecency. Hide in plain sight, act like you belong and choose your location and timing wisely. Stay well away from areas that might have a lot of families. Keep some tissue in your pocket.
I’m not talking thrusts per minute here, I just mean skip the foreplay and get the job done. You’re mostly doing this for the story anyway so brevity is key. The longer you engage in the dirty the more chances you have of someone getting wise to your business and possibly objecting to it.
Silence is golden. You’ll reduce the risk of detection and be able to hear people approaching more easily. So seriously, just shut up and have some fun. Unless you are caught and need to pipe up with an excuse…
Have some pre-fabricated excuses on the tip of your tongue for anyone who may approach you with questions about your suspicious behavior. These are especially effective when followed up with a deflective question.
- “My friend here is a bit sick. Do you know where the closest subway station is?”
- “We seem to have lost our keys in the sand. Do you know when the tide is due to rise?”
- “We could hear a kitten crying down this dark alley. Do you believe in climate change?”
Ok, you get the point.
Ultimately a successful public fuck requires that you are hyper aware of your surroundings and prepared for the plot to go sideways at any moment. So have fun, be safe and ride that delicious wave of adrenaline, my brothers!