May the Best Woman… WIN!

RuPaul’s Drag Race season 9 predictions

It’s that time of year again! A new season of Drag Race has arrived! Although the Gay Gawds blessed us with 2 seasons last year (season 8 and All-Stars 2) it feels like I haven’t had my drag fix in forever. In the words of Mother Ru herself “we need America’s next drag superstar now, more than ever!” Let’s take a look at the newest queens to grace the main stage of RPDR and try to predict who will be the next reigning queen. TBQH you betta step your pussy up if you wanna join the ranks of the Queen of Snakes herself, Miss Alaska Thunderfuck 5000.

This article contain rumors from Reddit and the NYC premiere

IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS THEN…


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Meet The Queens – Reactions

Let’s start where it all began, the teaser trailer and the Meet the Queens videos. GAGGED. GAGGING. GAGARINI. Call it what you want but that teaser, those looks, and these damn goddesses had me death dropped all over the floor. From all the looks, I must say Sasha Velour was completely and utterly SNATCHED! (Very) honorable mentions go out to Alexis Michelle serving body-ody-ody and Shea Coulee in her mama Africa eleganza! When the looks are this good, unfortunately Eureka’s plain red dress and unfortunate hair piece just don’t cut it #SorryBoutIt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of these queens sure know how to beat their face to perfection. Whether the end goal is to be as fishy as possible or to create an out of this world illusion, one thing is certain: season 9 will be giving you serious MUG shots. And now, living my Naomi Smalls and Kim Chi fantasy, here is my breakdown for best MTQ mug.


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Although Nina Bonina Brown is known for her amazing painting and truly delivered with this Avatar-Fifth Element looking creature, I’ve gotta say Alexis Michelle TURNED IT OUT. That mug is beat for the GAWDS OKURRRRRRR! Expect her to STUN all season long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looks and makeup are essential to drag but personality can get you just as far, if not further, in the competition. Valentina did get an extra-long chance to present herself via Facebook Live video with Michelle Visage, which would’ve been nice to have for every queen… but what do I know.


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The standouts for me were definitely Jaymes Mansfield and her bubbly-cute yet hilarious attitude and my fave being Nina Bonina Brown! Nina was laying it all out there being 100% authentic, which makes for great television.

Category Is…

Based on my social media scrolling and trolling I believe I can group this season into different groups. I can already hear the Drag Racers type typing away to let me know that a queen is not just one thing. And to that I respond… here’s my cute little graphic:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, agreed, Alexis Michelle is considered a pageant queen. However, watch this sickening lip-sync and tell me you aren’t SHOOK to the core!

Also, I get that Sasha Velour is a performance artist… but gurrrlll those looks and that unibrow are EVERYTHING. And Eureka is getting the Alyssa VS. Coco pageant edit with Trinity Taylor, but she is also being propped up as the funny-bitchy comedy queen, much like Bianca Del Rio. Needless to say, I care more for the shade than I do her pageant story arc.


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Predictions

We know for a fact that MOTHER HAS ARRIVED… and I don’t mean that Vivacious is the rumored returning queen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mother Monster herself, Lady Gaga, is making her Drag Race debut as, arguably, the most iconic guest judge of all time. For those of you that have already watched the first 20-minute preview you know that the queens will need sissy that walk down the runway in two outfits: the first representing their hometowns, and the second showing off their best Gaga-inspired fashion! When you think Lady Gaga, so many iconic fashion moments come to mind. Here are a couple of looks that would surely land the queens in the top.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All I know is that I’ve set my expectations pretty low considering how terrible the Night of 1000 Madonna’s turned out… #KIMONOGATE Let’s just hope the queens listen to RuPaul’s advice and that they “don’t fuck it up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the preview, we find out that there won’t be a queen going home in the first episode. Regardless, there will probably be a bottom two situation happening. Speculatively, I believe Jaymes Mansfield and Eureka would probably have to lip-sync for their lives, if need be. Also, there is a lot of rumors going around about a returning queen. The chatter online is leaning towards the coocoo queen, Cynthia Lee Fontaine. Personally, if I were to bring back a queen from season 8 it would have been Laila McQueen. Let’s see if Cynthia can get her coocoo to the mainstage for a second chance at becoming America’s Next Drag Superstar.


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Spilling Some Tea

Let’s end on a list of things to look forward to and some potential downfalls of this season’s queens.

  • Trinity Taylor is known for her incredible tucking abilities
  • Jaymes Mansfield might get critiqued for her character, much like BenDeLaCreme on season 6
  • Nina Bonina Brown will most certainly deliver incredible character illusions, but time constraints could make it difficult to execute her vision
  • Peppermint is the first openly transgendered woman to appear on the cast
  • AJA seems extremely chill and laid back from her ‘Meet The Queens’, this might lead to another flasaydah moment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not quite sure which queen I want to snatch the crown, just yet. AJA, Alexis Michelle, Shea Coulee, and Sasha Velour round out my favorite queens of the moment. Only time will tell if my current opinions are justified. On that note, gentleman start your engines… and may the best woman win!

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